Reflections...
One year ago today, my life changed forever, with these five little terrifying words...
You (may) have Multiple Sclerosis!
UPDATE 04.14.17:
It is truly sad that I started this post on 03.30.17 and here I am at 1:56 A.M. on my boyfriends birthday trying to finish it (on yet another sleepless night). But I'm actually feeling kind of okay physically at the moment and figured I might as well take advantage of it. I am not going to start by telling you my dx story, because you can read that later. I want to tell you what was going through my mind and how I was feeling at that moment, as well as, where I am now.
When the Doctor came in and told me that I had optic neuritis and said you may have multiple sclerosis, I started balling. But the tears did not last for long because at that moment I felt a presence that told me everything was going to be okay. I guess I need to go back to the weekend before this all happened, it was Easter Sunday and on this day I rededicated myself to Jesus Christ. There's no doubt in my mind that it was the holy spirit that spoke to and comforted me through the 12 days I was in hospital and even after I came home. God is LOVE and his love is incredible!
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NKJV
So what happened? Depression among other things and I slowly let the darkness dim my light. In my questioning, WHY? I forgot what God has been telling me all along. “He has this, and he will carry me through!” God did not forsake me, I stopped trusting him. It was me who abandoned him with my many excuses and my own reasoning.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5 NKJV
The funny thing is that I had no intent on this post being a religious one, I had planned on writing about my MS ups and downs of the year. Maybe, that is why it took so long to complete it -- I knew what I needed to say, and I was too scared to admit it.
